Walking the Surrender Road
I’ve been working on this surrender thing for some time now. I’ve also felt this stirring way deep down on the inside to approach this subject cautiously. You know, like with a really long stick to poke at it while it lay resting in the middle of the road. I needed to see if it’d rise up and attack me!
Poke! Poke!
Well, nope! No attack just yet!
However, in the back of my mind, I know it could at any moment!
My mind is sharp! My body is tense in case I need to run like a mad woman!
Poke! Poke!
Well, no! Nothing!
Surrender just simply lays there on the dusty covered road like it’s dead. But I won’t be fooled! I’ve been fooled way too many times believing something or someone was safe, when in fact they were most deadly! I won’t fall for that trick any time soon!
You see, for me, this surrender varmint has long been a distant shore beckoning to me to come explore its region, to stop and embrace this concept, to do a deep dive into the depths of its being to gain more knowledge and wisdom on its creation. Well, no, thank you! I am not interested in your surrender to your distant shores, nor do I wanta explore it!
Thanks, but no thanks!
However, I must say, unwillingly, my thoughts have been found wandering to that surrender place. Thoughts of wonderment and intrigue as I have briefly allowed myself to ponder its true and deep meaning.
For me, surrender has been a dirty word!
Nasty!
Hopeless!
Scary!
Unfruitful!
But wait…there it lays…in the middle of the dusty road. Man, it’s hot, and I’m sweating. I just wanta make it to my destination before nightfall. At night dangerous critters come out that could tear me to pieces. I’m hot, sweaty and gettin’ scared!
I go over to the side of the road and pick up a stick, though, it’s not nearly as long as I’d like. But I pick it up anyway. I use my left forearm to wipe sweat from my face. I wanta make sure I can see even the slightest movement when I poke it.
As quietly as possible, I step ever so slowly up to the thing laying there in the road. I slowly reach out my stick to poke it to see if it’ll rise up and pounce on me.
Shew!
Nope!
Still safe so far!
I believe I’ll be okay to step softly around it lying there, so I take a few steps.
My heart is pounding! Sweat is now sliding down body parts under my shirt. I’m sticky and smelly, but I gotta keep going!
I suddenly notice there are no nature sounds whatsoever! Not even a breeze high up in the pine trees lining the red clay dusty road. No birds. No Jarflies. No nothing. Silence.
Silence that is almost deafening!
I so want to move on past this ‘surrender’ thing here on the road, yet, I am most curious as well.
But then again, I could just pretend it’s not even there. Pretend I haven’t heard it calling my name for months now. Pretend it’s just no big deal and get on with life, do my own thing, my own way!
Pretend!
I chuckle to myself…and how’s that worked out for ya, I silently ask myself. ‘Not very well’, I quietly reply out loud. My own whispering voice shocks me against the stark silence!
Honestly, I’ve been pretending my whole life.
Maybe now it’s time to stop doing do and get real!
I take another step.
As I draw nearer, I’m overtaken with a desire to pause and look closer at it.
What color is it?
What does it smell like?
What would it taste like?
Is it poisonous?
I actually sniff to determine if I can detect any scent. No. Nothing.
I still hear no sounds, nothing stirring. I do, however, hear my heart beating loudly in my chest. I realize I’m ready to run if need be!
I’m very afraid of the surrender. I don’t want to give what little control I feel I have over to it or anyone or anything else.
You see, all my life, I’ve had someone else making my decisions for me. Most I would not have made at all!
Why would I want to surrender, to let it all go for someone else to direct my steps? I just can’t!
Another tentative step.
Oh, lawdy!
It felt like my heart would burst out of my chest when I saw a quiver of movement!
What?
I thought I heard a sound!
What was it?
Did someone speak?
I whirl around, creating a mini-dust storm around my white tennis shoe-clad feet. I’m looking this way and that, but I see nothing.
There it was again!
It sounded like a faint plea for help!
But who?
And where?
I raise my foot to take another step, moving me past the surrender thing lying there.
I did! I did see a faint quiver!
Oh, lawdy!!
I’m gonna faint for sure and be devoured by this thing!
‘Help’. I hear so faintly it almost makes me think it was my imagination.
And somehow, suddenly, I knew the sound was coming from the surrender thing lying there at my feet.
Well, how in the world am I supposed to help it? And just why would I do so?
It’s a trap I bet’cha!!
That’s it!
It’s a trap!
Just as soon as I stop and still myself to help, it’ll spring up and devour me!
Nope, not falling for that ole trick.
I determine to close my ears and move on.
‘Please, help me!’
Well, shoot!
No! I don’t wanta help you! I yell in my mind. I’m almost afraid to speak; it’s still very quiet.
I take another small step.
‘Please. Thirsty. May I have a drink?’
Water.
I do have a water bottle.
I pause.
Maybe one little drink won’t hurt. After all, it seems harmless laying there in a melted-looking puddle. What can it really do to me?
I giggle from fright, I suppose, when I open my water bottle looking for a mouth, realizing there is none.
I tentatively tilt the bottle ever so slowly to allow only a drop or two to plop down on the surrender thing.
Oh, gracious.
It moved! A lot!
I jerk my arm back as if in fear of it being yanked off or something.
Just for a brief moment, I watch as iridescent colors shimmer over the surface of the surrender thing.
Oh, my! I am mesmerized by the sudden beauty I see. But then it fades away.
‘Please. More water.’
I lift the bottle quicker this time and pour out a splash.
Yep! More colors glide over this surrender thing. Oh my! I’ve never seen such beauty.
But wait!
That’s how it happens.
You are going along minding your own business when out of nowhere, it grabs ya!
Holding you tightly in its clutches.
No!
I won’t be fooled again!
I will not give any more water to this surrender thing!
I’m going on my journey! Hot! Tired! Sweaty! And scared!
I take a step away from the thing and hear, ‘Please. You’re the only one who can help me!’
Now, what do I do?
Thanks for joining me on my surrender journey.
Whew…it’s so not easy but is it necessary?
What do you think?
Feel free to reach out at pamelajwoodall@yahoo.com
I’m also over on Instagram @pamelarwoodall and Twitter @Pamelarwoodall
I also have a YouTube channel at Pamela Richards-Woodall
Massive blessings to you!